It is that time of year again when we turn our attention to purchasing gifts for those we love, to acknowledge their place in our lives and to say how much we love them. It’s a joyous activity for many; It is a classic dilemma and typically the source of much stress and consternation for most.
If you are as old as me, there does come a point though when many of us decide we have enough stuff and ask not to receive anything material again. Although I still like to hear about toys as much as ever, I’m there – I don’t need to own them. It’s a bit of an odd feeling. Yet somehow appropriate as you head toward your twilight of life.
Instead, I’m suggesting a new approach this year. Making yourself the gift. I don’t mean anything cringeworthy. Instead I’m talking about the gift of your time. If you are as old as me, it is now the one thing that means everything.
There was a Cat Stevens song many years ago (actually Harry Chapin but I digress) called Cats in the Cradle in which a busy working dad does not have time to spend with his son. Finally the son is grown and has moved away, the dad has retired, but now the son has no time to spend with his dad.
Our modern lives are full of such demands on our time. I routinely see today’s modern moms in the grocery store, phone in one hand, shopping cart being pushed hurriedly, while she is in a business suit and dealing with the latest crisis either at home or at work. Kids lives are also full in a similar way, often with school and after-school activities every day, many requiring parents to fund, outfit, and drive their kids to/attend those activities.
That frantic pace makes its way into our entertainment as well. I’ve noticed that all movies released now have mostly action and animation and special effects and movement – the characters and dialogue are secondary. Nobody sits still just to have a conversation. Gone are the days when Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy would have one of their classic verbal sparring matches, toe to toe, in the cafe or restaurant or office building that was the set of their latest movie. Instead, scenes fly by in the blink of an eye, often with some form of physical chase, lots of noise and no time to rest.
It can make your head spin. In my case, my family is also dispersed at a distance, requiring some effort to get out to see them. Traffic has also become ridiculous and defeats the motivation to make the trip. But I have recently surprisingly discovered just how much I need these outings. They always raise my spirits enormously. Make the effort this season – actively set aside the time to do so and not just on Christmas Day. The interruption to your quiet life will be worth it.
The benefits of giving time are many, including the emotional high of connecting again, the chance to catch up on each other’s lives, the chance to share stories of the past to solidify a legacy and the opportunity to communicate things that many of us should say but never do. The last couple of months, I’ve received notices of the passing of several acquaintances – not close friends, but nevertheless people I knew and respected. I know in at least one case, there was some estrangement between patriarch and children. As I’ve now come to appreciate, life is too short for that stuff. If you have legitimate grievances fine, but find a way to connect anyway, so as to not regret it later. Later is a long time.
Although this message is intended as an incentive to reconnect with family and friends, giving your time can also happen with strangers, through volunteering. I have to admit I struggle with this a bit, because I feel happy in helping but so very sad hearing about and seeing the situations some people find themselves in. So I tend to donate money and goods more than time. I need to do better here.
Give some thought to the ways you can share your time this coming season. It truly is the most precious gift you can give.
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